I was imbued with emotions a while ago and i realised that i have mastered the art of being Oblivious and Delusional which means i'm fine now!
But you know what, i must stop lying to myself. Whatever happened left a scar so deep which sucked every ounce of life that i have within me. I feel lifeless, i don't feel anything good about myself. Just this extremely heavy emotional baggage weighing on me plus the humiliation that is here to stay.
I'm envious. I am really really really really envious of everyone around me who has made it. Those who made it to where they want to be, leaving me behind all alone. I cannot stop feeling this way because the pain i suffered is too much to bear.
I really feel like breaking down sometimes. I really do. But i know i must be strong. Do i really have to? The facade i'm putting up everyday is tiring, and it's making me feel so insecure of myself. I know my friends want me to be okay. But how can i be okay in such a situation? I can never be.
Do you know how much of my pride do i have to swallow every single time i step into my foot there? It's like i just wanna bury a hole and hide inside forever. I'm too embarrassed and i feel humiliated all the time. I don't even have the guts to look up. I feel inferior.
I cannot move on. I cannot let go. It's just too painful. I don't want to carry on like, but i just can't... help it.
