Sundays at Tiffany's.

I love Jane Margaux, love it how she chose to finally get out of her suppressed life and break free! Her courage and bravery is stellar.

Food for thought :

Would you rather get someone who is a 10 but gives you 70% or someone who is a 7/8 but gives you 100%?

I would definitely pick the latter, without any doubt. :)

Everything happens for a reason.

I've not talked to my sister for four months because of a huge quarrel that we had. And on saturday, while i was cruising around town with Z, i bumped into her. It was really a surprise(because i've never bumped into her in town) and i guess that was God's will. I decided to just say Hi. Her hands were full of shopping bags, apparently it was for her wedding. We talked for a few moments and i noticed that she looked sad. Her face wasn't glowing like before.

"You're alone?". I questioned.

"Yeah. I've been doing this all the time. Used to it."

My heart shattered for a moment. My sister doesn't really have much friends because of her busy schedule. She's often flying and that in itself doesn't warrant her much time to socialise. Furthermore, her fiance's often overseas. Hence, when she's home and she needs to get stuffs/shop/anything, she will always ask me along. I'm always at her beck and call. I felt that i needed to be there for her because i love her. We're not close to the other family members and so, we only have each other. We tell each other our life's stories, something which we never disclose to the others(not even my parents).

I hope that surprise meeting helps us to get closer again. See, it happens for a reason. Without that, i bet the silent treatment would persist till one of us gives in(which would never happen cos we have a huge ego).

I miss you sis ): (although i would never tell you this)

Enough of mindfucking.

In this superficial world, it's really hard to not feel insecure or unworthy because there are so many people who are better than you. You know what, i don't want to try anymore.

Trying already makes me depressed. Trying hard makes me hate myself. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I was reading through fashion blogs and i came across this model named Daul Kim who committed suicide. (it's not the first, and definitely not the last)

The modelling world was just too cruel, and it slowly kills the essence of her life as a whole. She felt horrible and the pressure was just too overwhelming. Eventually, she lost the battle.

You know? It's like no matter how beautiful/pretty/rich/hot you are, there WILL always be someone better than you. It's a fact and we can't run away from reality.

So, if you think i'm not as good-looking as some other people, it's okay. If you think i'm not as efficient, it's okay. If you think i'm not as cool, it's okay. If you think my personality is not as awesome, it's okay. If you think i'm not as smart, it's okay. If you think i'm not as rich, it's okay. If you think i'm not as fun, it's okay. If you think i'm not as interesting, it's okay. If you think i'm not as fashionabe, it's okay. If you think other guys are more worthy, it's okay.

I don't care anymore. Somehow, saying it's okay gives me a sense of assurance. I want to stop comparing myself with others because it is fucking tiring. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and live life as it is.

Oh c'mon, i deserve to be happy.

Ccb.

I think i have trust issues but i have reasons to be.

ANYWAYYYYYYY.

I FUCKING HATE MY OFFICER I DON'T REALLY WANT TO CURSE HIM BUT YES I HATE HIM. Like fucking shit, you are only serving your national service man - BREAK SOME LEG. He's too on and it's damn irritating cos the other officers are cool and serious WHEN THEY NEED TO while having fun but he is such a wannabe who acts serious and is DAMN demanding all the time!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY.

And he is a fucking double faced bitch who is nice to you on the surface but bitches about you behind your back LIKE TELL ME WHAT IS NEW ABOUT THIS. And i really give up explaining some stuffs to him because he is an egoistic bastard WHO WANTS THINGS TO GO HIS WAY. So you know what, fuck it. I give up.

True blue jerk. I don't want to go on and be affected by such an ass. I'm way cooler than this.

A new change with a new heart.

It is indeed a blessing to be here, to be able to still breathe and live.

I think i have changed to be more daring and giving, no more safety shells and comfort zones - It is time for risks and taking chances. I have been blessed with golden opportunities and each time they come, i will always tell myself;

" You know what? It has been long that you care too much about what people think about you, your actions, your body languages, your gestures.... just you as a whole. It is enough. You have had enough.

It is time to re-evaluate your life principles. Hiding behind closed doors just because you feel insecure doesn't get you far. It thwarts you from doing what you really want out of life. You get unhappy. Your whole life seems to go against you. A rollercoaster of emotions flood your mind and your soul. You are lost.

But.

You never seem to do anything about it. Life goes on, in so many wrong turns and directions. You want to get out of it but you don't have the courage to.

So, take this moment - The perfect time to get out of the whole system altogether. Do it now, before you wrap yourself in a world full of regrets and what-ifs.

This is YOUR life. You got only one chance and there's no turning back. Grab whatever that comes by. Release your inhibitions. Be yourself. Ooze that shining confidence in you. You've got it - you just got to show it.

Even if things don't work out, at least you tried. Pick yourself up if you fall. That's natural; it's just a way of life. Success is the mother of failure - you have to experience pain and agony to fully appreciate happiness and joy. Be open to failures, then you will succeed even more.

Live your life just the way you want it. Eventually, life is what you make it out to be. Every second in the clock counts, just make the best out of it. Do not regret. Life's too short for regrets. "

- Me.

Superficiality.

In this dog-eat-dog world, somehow, putting others down for your own selfish benefits is an act of survival. Nobody seems to really care if this is actually a degradation of their moral compass. I find this a pity because i believe that in life, there is so much more than getting high-flying jobs or getting into the best university, etc.

It really shows how horrible humans are. Those group of people who are ever willing to compromise and sacrifice their friends/colleagues just to get a promotion/pay raise, should be condemned. However, this is too common and it seems as though its 'accepted' in the workforce. Such an apparent and rife act should not happen in the first place. We should base our promotion in a just and fair manner.

SO much for meritocracy.

Somewhere there.

Life is what you make it out to be.

running around in circles,
among the empty spaces
with no exits at sight
but you still run ahead

Till next time.

My life has been so melodramatic these few weeks and it has significantly reduced my writings to nothingness.

Like what jermaine said, the combination of my 'emotional and dramatic' life is a lethal one. But this shall not degenerate my brain cells which are of declining quality. :(((

I have loved writing since young. It was a passion, which eventually led me to pursue Communication Studies in NTU. But all these while, i've stopped writing simply because my mind is filled of buzzing and perturbing thoughts. I can't seem to string a coherent sentence properly.

But, i'm thankful that life has been better. Thanks to Allah swt. :) I shall now continue on my pursuit of becoming a writer.

:(

Yknow?

Sometimes i really wish i'm better in so many ways. Then, i wouldn't have this sinking inferiority complex which really puts me down.

I mutter prayers under my breath which goes along the lines of, "Please God. Let me be hotter, smarter, richer with an awesome body and personality" so many times. Too many times, in fact. I feel like going bonkers.

I need a higher self-esteem. I wanna feel good about myself. I don't want gorgeous people to spoil my day. I want to accept the fact that there is ALWAYS someone better than me and i have really come to terms with my insecurities, flaws and shortcomings. I want to look into the mirror and be happy. I want to feel good.

I want to love myself.

Confessions.

I like you but i don't want you to know that.

I refuse to let my walls down and let you intrude them. I don't want to cling on you and be too dependent.

I am Mr Independent.

I will not think of you too much. I shall lose sight of your face and focus on other things. I want to distract myself.

I'm ready. I want to do this. But my heart is telling me to keep it slow. Let's not rush things.

We have a long way ahead of us. Time will tell.

Nineteen.

I think i've experienced enough drama to last me a lifetime.

I've missed this space alot but i can't seem to pen down my thoughts with coherence. It's like as though those ideas are too jumbled up and are better off kept within.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck this shit i need to start writing as a way to recharge my brain cells. I think love happens when it wants to. We shouldnt force it at all.

And we shouldnt expect anything cos expectations will lead to disappointment and despair. We should NOT expect anything and just go with the flow. It worked, and i bear testimony to that.

I love guys who nourish me with intellectual humour and wit. I LOVE guys who are maturd and wise. I need them to lead me the way. Those around the range of 19-24 are turnoffs. They are so young and probably schooling = no income and stability. Boooo.

I want my guy to drive. Hehehehe sexy much. And probably have some carfun after that HAHAHA kidding.

I've had enough of trying. Now, i just wanna live.