Sigh.

Today, i lost my earpiece. And, it's not just another earpiece.

Get influenced, but only in the right direction.

It's good to be selfless. It's good to think of others before self. But it's silly to do that if they are violating your self-principles which you stand for firmly. In that case, please think of yourself. Do not get influenced. They may hate you for being a party pooper/wet blanket/whatever, but that doesn't matter because at least you stood up to what you deem is right.

Stand up and be heard. :)

Kthxbye.

Sometimes, i don't know why i try so hard to explain my point to someone who doesn't even bother to listen just because they don't agree or are simply ignorant.

Like hello, i am talking to a wall but i am still talking nonetheless.

I might as well talk to myself.

A plea.

It's one of those moments again when i am being analytical about my own directions in life. Such very moments are normally triggered when the wavelengths and frequencies of my life have changed significantly and i find myself in an awkward environment.

I have two choices.

1) Make a change.
2) Conform.

Help me God. :(

I am actually quite pissed off.

I wanted to write something but then ............ Sigh how i wish i could lock this entry but i doubt blogger has the functions and i know lj can do it and i actually do have an lj account but i am lazy to go over. Besides, i've ranted it to a friend who happened to call at the right timing so its gooooood :)

Wait, it's actually not good but forget it.

++++++

On another note altogether, i am really sick of living for people. Not literally but you get what i mean. It's like there are bound to have expectations that are set for us by people(whom we do care of course). Thus, while living by OUR own ideals and beliefs, we do try our fucking best to infuse their expectations to our actual actions. That in itself sounds very suffocating.

Sometimes, we fall short because we Are.Just.Not.Capable. We disappoint them. But most importantly, we let ourselves down. We crumble. We are disgusted by our own inefficiency and incompetency.

So i say. Fuck the rest. This is YOUR life so as long as you know you are GOOD ENOUGH, then Fuck the rest. Really. There is no one to impress except yourself.

Don't let others bring you down. <3

It's worth it if it hurts.

I had this vehement desire within me to blog about something really esteem-killing but i figured that I AM GOOD ENOUGH so i shall not start.

I am trying to put on my thinking cap as often as i can. I NEED to get smarter. And, i am so gonna utilise the free time i have in NS on books and i want to learn french! I want to learn contemporary dance FOR REAL. I want to improve singing. I want to have a hot bod - i shall swim three times a week. I shall be disciplined with my normal gymming sessions. I want to feel good about myself so i shall work for it.

I've figured there's no point glorifying people's lives just because they seemingly have everything we don't. We'll never know what lies underneath THAT facade.

Let's just be contented with whatever we have :)

It's all about choices, which we all are entitled to.

It's really hard to understand the complexities of the human mind and soul.

I've always believed that whatever you think is a result of an engineered drilling of such thoughts into your mind every single day. It's like a psycho-ed cycle altogether. YOU feed your mind with such thoughts religiously so it becomes a part of you. This also means that whatever you do is based on YOUR own choices because you CHOOSE to think that way.

HENCE, THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT NATURAL. YOU were the one who created such thoughts and therein lies the root of the problem(if there is a problem in the context that is).

Since you CHOOSE to think that way, and if you're stuck in a rut because of that, you can CHOOSE to think the OTHER way. It's either this or that. The mind is a really powerful aspect of our body and if we are determined to change, it will work out.

HEHEHE okay actually my point is that we can always change the way we think. Like i've been kinda negative and cynical so i am trying to embroil and embrace myself into a world of positivity. I believe that it will make a huge load of difference. It's all about the willingness and determination, plus the sincere desire erupting from within :)

OH AND SCREW THE WHOLE 'IT WAS IN A SPUR MOMENT KINDA THING'. It is more of like, 'I know its wrong but this is so interesting and so, i shall totally succumb to temptation YAYPEDOOOOO'

OKAYBYE.

I AM NOT STUPID.

I don't know why but i'm still feeling the remnants of the past. I WANT TO LET GO but all i can think of now is to update my facebook's status with emotional words and phrases but no i am so not succumbing to that because i am strong and powerful.

I do not like what i am doing right now because it is definitely not reflecting my utmost potential and capability. In fact, it has transformed me into a sloth with a lackadaisical attitude and i'm fucking sure my officers realise that. I think they still like me because i'm not ugly and they know i have the brains plus i have an imba social networking skills hurhurhur. If i'm like ugly, unfriendly and stupid i would have probably been charged or something. HAHAHAHAH but i'm damn serious!

I really can't wait for school. My brain cells have not been productive and i fear their death. I need to do something, like something just something which uses any of my brain cells. I need to feel that i am capable. NS has rendered me useless, fyi. I am definitely not useless. I need to be ASSURED that i am not stupid. I CANNOT WAIT FOR SCHOOL OMG.

I'm tired of being useless. Oh God please land me a job or anything close to that which ALLOWS me to use my brains. Maybe i should do some intensive reading. Maybe i should just stop ranting and get out of this place.

Kthxbye.

HELLO

I'm confused.

I really don't know why people do things that seem really weird, illogical or unreasonable even. I just don't get it. It's like, okay. I want to be rational and think deeply about it but i can't seem to exactly decipher the intended meaning. I don't want to ask because i don't see the need to. And so, i assume. I read before that assuming is one of the root causes of disagreements/quarrels/fights. Okay, so i don't assume. I will look at the bigger picture. But, no. I don't see any light or hope in that.

So, what do you want me to do?

I was seething in anger, wrapped in wrath and embroiled in negative emotions. Then, i thought things out and recalled some positive information from the self-help book i've been reading. I've learnt and applied. :)

Firstly, what's the point of being angry? I should let go and move on.

Secondly, if i let this emotions indulge my life, i will literally spend time thinking about it and hence, i will be all pissed off and emotional. IN WHAT WAY WOULD I BENEFIT? I am wasting my time and energy, which could actually be utilised for better reasons. So, i shall not waste my time being angry. :)

Thirdly, i should ENJOY LIFE AND BE HAPPY YAYPEDOOOOO.

HAHAHAHAHA omg i miss/love ethan like crazy! LIKE SOME INTENSE MAD OBSESSION HAHAHAH LUB <3<3<3

I have disappeared from this space because i have somewhat lost the motivation to start writing and indulge myself in the whole emotional chapter of life. Because if you've realised, i normally write when i'm feeling down. And, it's not that i've not been feeling blue which may explain my disappearance, but ..... i don't know. I don't seem to find so much pleasure in writing anymore.

People tell me i have a knack for writing. I used to love writing. And spam poems even. But.... Okay, maybe i will slowly pick up the habit again.

I have been going through a lot personally. I feel that i'm slowly losing the zest and enthusiasm in things. I am beginning to be more cynical and negative of people. I know i needed help. Reading self-help books have done a great deal, but i have a long way to go. I got to be strong and fight this battle within.

It is as though i am just walking on solid ground without having any goals. I don't fight for things that i want. I give up easily. I let the situations control me. I lose control. I don't take control. I relinquish. I don't really care. I'm weak.

I have so many things in my mind and it's all jumbled up so i can't really think. I shall sleep.

Have a great weekend.

Oh fuck you.

And i thought that i've finally moved on but you kept coming back clawing your sharp fingers directly at my heart when it's JUST about to FULLY recover. How could you?!

I think you're heartless.