Maybe, just maybe, you're the one i've been waiting for.

hi i wanted to write alot but i figured that i shouldn't think too much

but like life's a real strange pain in the ass cos it unravels itself in the most unexpected of ways which may/may not be advantageous to you but all in all, it only proves to reaffirm my belief that we should just Go With The Flow.

like how i am like ah fuck boys and their counterparts(think along the lines of sexual organs HAHAHHHAHHA) but now i'm bombarded with so many at one go which really comes as a Major shock and they seem to be tooooo good to be true and that makes me go really cynical and doubtful like is this all a joke cos it's definitely not funny

but either way i am just Going With The Flow and will grab whatever opportunities that come by without giving too much thought into it cos thinking too much would just spoil the fun right? but of course, my walls are still intact.

As always.

Hi.

MODERATION. MODERATION. MODERATION.

Mae - Ocean.

figured that i've been digging myself way too deep into the whole abyss of darkness and what-ifs, so much so that the fear and guilt have succesfully paralyzed me into nothingness.

should rewind and reflect more on such self-killing adventures :'(

HELLO THE LONG WEEKEND BECKONS AND I'M GONNA KICK SOME ASS <3

September.

am getting all woebegone and deranged just after 30 minutes of hyped-up activity in the web. i seriously think the internet is an evil thing can i please not be exposed to the brutal truth and realities? can i just recluse myself into my cocoon of pretty white lilies and safety nets?

these fucking thoughts need to fucking stop running madly in my head i don't want to be fucking crazy

Bang bang.

Seek forgiveness from God. And, i just did that.

I guess the root problem of all the negative thoughts(which seem really free and happy to infiltrate my mind and soul with sheer influence and vigour) is due to discontentment. Am pretty amazed at how it literally has the capacity to wreak havoc both physically and mentally.

And no, i did not lose.

Shall tame those thoughts by totally being oblivious to the imperfections(simply because NO ONE IS PERFECT) and fully glorify my strengths.

All in all, the key word is 'Content'. So, please be contented. It works wonders.

The lives we lead.

Peered into the darkness, once again, even though the sparks were not even lit within. Ironically, the dim lights managed to cloud the clear vision that was not even tainted in the first place. What a pity.

I think people do bad things due to the meaningless life they lead. So, they TRY to find meaning by doing something out of the ordinary; normally things that give them pleasure. The temptations of instant gratification is so alluring. Enticing. Overwhelming. So, they eventually succumbed. And do it so often till they lost the whole novelty of it. Till they get Numb, even. What a pity.

What a pity.

Hi.

We all have choices. Get that inside your thick-skulled brain, people.

+++

I've decided that it's really pointless to further indulge yourself in bouts of insecurities by infiltrating such thoughts into your head every second, ALLOWING them to rupture your soul effortlessly and brutally. And so, i shall SNAP OUT OF IT.

xx

It does not mean that it's right just because 'everyone is doing it'. Don't be shallow and apathetic, you pieceS of shit. You have a brain to DISCERN from what is right or wrong, and not CONFORM just to suit the majority's needs - unless you are living for others, then yes i am sorry but you're such a loser.

Well, even if you think it's right JUST BECAUSE the majority dictates that(in your perspective, that is), well, at least, probe into your consciousness and question your moral compass first.

Unless you're super loose, we need certain tenets to act like boundaries or rather, to impose a semblance of order.

IS THIS SOMETHING NEW?

Abracadabra/WingardiumLeviosa.

They say we should follow our heart. But how can that even happen if we don't even know what our heart wants?

---

shall never break the walls open because once i selflessly do that, rocks and pebbles may integrate and infuse themselves inside - thereby eroding and blocking any ray of sunlight to give some warmth that is most importantly needed in the dark. and besides, i don't see the point of wet tissues and plasters to cover the scenes behind closed doors; scenes that speak of a cascading waterfall and edges off a highrise building which is normally above eight storeys.

there's never a forever anyway; because love is ever so wavering and disappearing, hurting and denying. people change, and that's the only constant.

OMG I sound like some cynical ass experiencing a heartbreak but no, i am actually perfectly fine dating many guys at one go hurhur because i don't believe in The One. the above illustrations are just some thoughts of illusion, and i've been having alot of these because i am just too free. and when you're too free, your mind wanders............. sometimes bordering along the lines of depression (ahh the books i'm reading now are just too deep and reflective. make me feel all woebegone)

Fly, fly, fly.

the suppressed feeling of being in a small cage where everything is enclosed and you are stuck, is rather overwhelming. it's not like you don't want to get out of the rut. it's just that.... you don't have a choice.

the raging desire to fly openly and be free is burning strongly, producing huge flames and sparks that could light up the sky. but the sky i see is circumscribed by cumulonimbus clouds. it's dark and the road ahead seems bleak.

maybe what i need now is a new pair of contact lens. and a new direction to follow.

Where's the meaning of life?

aimless, useless, like a small matchstick amongst the tens of huge candles which are lit brightly.

it's like living just for the sake of living because we all have to live. it's like waking up at 6am every single day when the alarm clock rings and you have to wake up even though you don't want to. it's like eating the same breakfast every single day for your life, but you still eat it because it's still your breakfast afterall.

it's like chasing for the first bus every single morning because you don't want to be late. it's not that you don't want to be late, it's more of like you don't want to get reprimanded or be in the bad books of your bosses. it's like replying to the same old emails which always end with, 'Please revert back by 12pm'. it's like walking the same route every single day. it's like listening to the same song over and over and over again but you do not even know the lyrics. it's like taking the same bus every single day, with the same faces you see(but you are too shy to say hi).

it's like...... living life with nothingness and apathy

blowing kisses to the distant memories.

it's such a common sight to see people walking around with noses held up high, acting like they know shit, being all happy and pretentious and fulfilled and satisfied but who can actually vouch for that except themselves?

still waters run deep. i am not being cynical but i feel that it's all just a facade. is the display of such emotions the truth, or is it just an act? we're all actors, anyway. but it's not entirely a bad thing because i believe it's one of the tools to survive. perhaps, we do it to get accepted, or rather, to be viewed in a light which spreads a positive aura when judged by others. at the end of the road, we want to feel accepted. we want to feel loved.

and i feel that i am just floating around aimlessly, taking life as it is. there's no meaning to it and i really feel suppressed for reasons unknown to myself.