(wanted desperately to type an entry which is embroiled with such self-hatred and doubt a few nights ago but i decided to sleep it away because i still have so much more to achieve, and i shouldn't be too self-critical like i always am. sounds contradicting but true)
it has been a hell of a week, but my mind was relatively serene and tranquil. there were moments when i just wanted to give up there and then. miraculously, by His grace, i survived.
i need to tell myself that i'm human and IT IS OKAY to make mistakes. i never used to care what my boss thinks of me, but recently, i do. this has become a pressing concern because i feel -very- pressurized and i do not allow myself to make a single mistake AT ALL.
truth be told, i made a mistake just now.
i literally just went berserk and i felt very very affected. it's as though the whole world just came crashing down on me(not exaggerating) and i felt like a total loser. i didn't want to continue work because i developed a phobia in just a matter of minutes.
i couldn't take the pressure and withdrew from my seat. decided to sit alone in some secluded corner, with a throbbing headache which culminated into a migraine; with so many negative thoughts racing past each other, colliding and erupting into explosions every single time
eventually calmed down and talked myself out of it. survived yet another mental ordeal with His help :) thank God i managed to complete quite an obscene amount of work.
CANT WAIT TO ORD KTHXBYE
No comments:
Post a Comment