:)

i've been feeling really blue and down these days and i know that the reason for that was due to the fact that i was thinking/worrying too much over unnecessary/temporal/superficial things that are just bound to sink me deeper into bouts of insecurities.

so i say; fuck it, let go and be happy.

:)

it's so weird how i'm like OKAY NO NO I'M NOT DOING THAT but ten minutes later, i'm doing just that.

i'm still as fickle-minded as ever.

this week has been tough, i think God gives me so much challenges because He wants me to remember Him(which i do, of course) and plus, He knows i can conquer them anyway.

BRING IT ON.

sometimes i feel like writing so much but i'm holding myself back. i don't want to sound like an emotional wreck all the freaking time.

my life is so awesome repeats 850948503948450874-984545045894038 times.

will be done with NS in 5 working days. let's not talk about work.

i think my writing abilities have been sub-standard and i'm utterly disgusted with myself.

i've changed so much i don't know what i've become. i don't know what caused the change, and i don't know if it's for the betterment of myself.

i'm lost.

i want to control my life so much so that i feel empty and jaded. i'm done trying.

now, i just wanna live.

it's moments like these which make me feel that i have nothing to justify for what i feel strongly for, because everything is so warped and wrong, but people perceive it as the norm.

i think the world's gonna end, i better repent before it's too late

It's time.

i was reading a blog post about this girl who hazily plunged herself into depression, and how she lost so much along the way. now, this phase of life(JC period) has come and gone, but with this, so much opportunities have been wasted. her potential(which is something of a stellar standard) was not maximized. in life, you'll lose some, but you'll also gain some. now, she has recovered from her mental illness.

after reading it, i teared.

i felt so much for that post because i could relate to it(if you know me well, you know what i meant). it helped that this girl writes so well, her description of even simple and trivial events would develop into something so deep and beautiful. i aspire to write like that.

for now, i'm not gonna waste my chances anymore. i want to try. even if i failed, at least i tried. i'll never know if i didn't try. i'm gonna make things work, because i've been floating for too long. it's time to make a change.

thank You!

i'm seeing things in a new shift of paradigm, a positive paradigm of hope and positivity. i used to think saying it will jinx it(and it DID, anyway) and although sometimes things are beyond our control, i AM determined that this feeling of pure happiness and bliss will stay. for long.

i'm thankful for my friends. they've done soooo much for me, and this exact feeling of gratitude drives and propels me to do even more for them. i'm willing to go to great lengths because i know they're worth it.

oh gosh i thank God for blessing me with such wonderful souls <3

i think i'm getting better. I WILL GET BETTER. I WILL.

it's okay to fail because that just means there's hope to improve yourself.

i don't have to be perfect. i just have to be 'okay', because that is good enough.

i am good enough, for myself.

expect nothing, and don't put on pressure on yourself because it will all be okay.

everything will be okay.

i wanna be happy, i will learn to let go

hey

i told myself i would never give in, i would fight. i'd give all i have.

but now, i'm running back to the same old cave, with boulders that smell of familiarity and comfort. how ironic.

i would continue to fight, i...will......try....

i have so much things to say, but i don't know where to start. this site seems to be a ranting ground, a safety net or a haven, somehow. i'd come back when i feel defeated. i've lost alot these few weeks but i refused to come back here because i don't want to admit it. i don't want to officially acknowledge my loss. i'm not a loser. i hate to lose.

i want to get out of my soul(if that's remotely possible). i need to let go