What's within.

i've been feeling very uneasy these days. it's as though there's alot of things on my mind, and the only thing i want to do is to leave this place. there are so much memories here, i've had enough - i want new ones. i want new routines, a different direction to walk with nothing in mind. i want peace. my mind has been shrouded with thoughts that shouldn't even exist

i don't remember the last time i laughed with such sincerity till it shines. my eyes are so dead when i laugh, it's as though the life in me has long drifted away from it's owner. oh wait, who's the owner? i don't even have an identity; i think i'm an amalgamation of my ideals placed on different people i wish i am. one day, i'm this person and i'm another the next. it's like i'm running in a track full of endless gorgeous robes and these are all mine. i change costume every single day but it's not exhaustive so i still have hope. in becoming someone else. other than myself.

sometimes i wish i'm not so attuned to my emotions. sometimes i wish i'm not as receptive to the exterior facade of the world, because it's so ugly and soul-numbing. i want to let go, but it's as though i've been stamped with such motherfucking thoughts which are just bound to kill. it's really fucking hard to stop them from circulating within my system. they've taken control and i'm just a slave

sigh, i don't know what to do anymore. the heaviness of being alive has paved it's way, bearing fruits of suicidal tendencies. i bare my all in the open field of thorns - do anything as you deem fit. i have nothing within me to fight.

i give up